Dear Mr. Spammer

How are you? I’m doing well. I know that you are just a regular email marketing sender and that we have never met and that you might even be offended by the caring nickname that I’ve given you, “Mr. Spammer”, but did you like it? Sorry if you didn’t, but that’s how I feel towards you.

Do you remember when I signed up? I do. I remember that I was required to sign up to make a purchase on your website. At that moment, you could have told me that our relationship would be followed by daily email messages containing promotions and “hot deals” that weren’t that appealing to me. Also, it would have been better if you had at least given me the option to not receive these messages when signing up. I probably wouldn’t be writing to you and giving you a nickname if you did.

But hey! To err is to be human, right? At some point, I told myself “well, maybe he just forgot to add a text that informs that he will be sending promotional emails and also forgot the opt-in checkbox”. So I let it go. I was hoping that I would receive interesting emails with really good, relevant content, containing great deals based on what products I viewed on your website (and you know that I came back after my first purchase…at least you should and could have tracked it). But no. Same old, same old. You didn’t even bother to greet me by my first name. After all that money that I spent with you. Shame!

So, Mr. Spammer, I regret to tell you this, but I have to let you go. I swear that I did what I could. I looked for a link to your unsubscribe page within the message body. Nothing. I looked for the “cancel subscription” link that Gmail would’ve added if you configured SPF, DKIM, and List-unsubscribe header. Again, nothing. I even took some of my precious time to look for instructions on how to unsubscribe within your poorly written Privacy Policy, which I hoped would have had something as this is required by law in all major markets for over 10 years now. Nothing.

As you can see, I tried but you gave me no choice, I marked you as spam, Mr. Spammer. I know that this reflects badly on you as an email sender, but let’s be honest, you asked for it. I mean, you could’ve looked for information on how to be a better email marketer and grown your email list in the proper way. You could have also done a better job at tracking your email metrics and even optimized your email marketing strategy to use a clean list with active, engaged subscribers, but you chose to ignore it.

Hopefully, this letter reaches you and is received as a positive reminder that you don’t have to be “Mr. Spammer”, providing a negative experience that constantly impacts negatively your email ROI, business reputation, and user engagement. 

Best wishes,
Rafael Viana

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